Episode 912- The
Screaming Skull
(with short: Robot
Rumpus)
Short
Summary: Robot Rumpus
stars Gumby, of "dammit" fame. Gumby is a strange,
disturbingly high-crotched, nude green clay figure. He has
elephantine legs tapering up to a thin, flat body, on top of
which is perched a head which resembles a moss-covered
Chippendale chair as designed by Salvador Dali, in that one
side appears to be melting.
In this adventure, Gumby and his equestrian friend Pokey --
who at least in some sense looks like a true horse -- making
us wonder what Gumby is technically supposed to be, dammit:
a reanimated blob of spearmint gum? Sentient mucus? -- well
anyway, he and Pokey enslave some robots to do yardwork.
Gumby's mother, who wears clothes, is very pleased with her
son's ingenuity, as long as it's working. But the robots run
horribly amuck. They start tearing down the whole world,
dammit! Mom summons dad, who is named Gumbo, though I fail
to see his resemblance to the tasty shrimp, okra and sausage
soup I had in New Orleans. (Gumbo also runs around naked, in
this universe with no rules.)
But Gumbo gets trounced by the robots until finally Gumby
finds a way to kill them. The delightful movie climaxes with
the maiming and dismemberment of many robots, and the
white-hot rage of Gumby's parents, who by story's end have
taught their son that their love is always highly
conditional on his success in finding innovations in
yardwork. And that his failure in yardwork endeavors will be
met by blistering punishment and the witholding of their
love, replaced by the purest of hate. I'm glad I grew up
watching this stuff.
Movie
Summary: The Screaming Skull... Or (my preferred title), "I Swear Before
All That Is Good And Holy I Will Never Watch Another Movie
Starring The Twisted Worry-Faced Mother From The Space
Children (Episode 906) Ever, Ever Again, With God As My
Witness."
The story: a shifty creep and his pathological worrywart of
a new bride move into a Southern mansion owned by his late
wife, and now bequeathed to him. His deceased wife died
recently from a bashed-in head, under mysterious
circumstances. This brand-new groom's new wife is loaded
with family money too, and is more than a little
unstable.
That is to say: HE'S GUILTY! HE'S REALLY, REALLY GUILTY! HEY
EVERYONE, HE'S GUILTY! ...This is clear in the first ten
minutes or so of the movie, but they go on spending an hour
of our valuable time pretending there's some real mystery at
hand. Mr. Creepyhusband tries to drive his wife batty by
putting skulls in odd places. Mrs. Looneywife repeatedly
contorts her face in horrible twisty fear (this is the
scariest effect in the movie, by far) and bores us to tears
walking around looking for things in a nightgown (making me
think as I watched it: no, movie, yeah I know you're from
the '50s and all so we have to cut you some slack, but I
will never accept this fear-furrowed woman in her
twelve-layer pegnoir as sexy. Damn you for even suggesting
it!)
Anyways, some pie-faced minister and his mannish wife hang
around a lot listening intently and absorbing little. And a
slow-witted, Snagglepuss-sounding, Torgo-Lite gardener named
Mickey is tossed into the mix for a highly unsuccessful red
herring.
Prologue: Servo turns into a butterfly. Apparently all
along the Servo we knew had been a mere larva of what he was
destined to be eventually.
Segment One:
Down in Castle Forrester,
Pearl, Observer, and Bobo run around in penguin suits,
pathetically trying to pull a practical joke on Mike and the
bots, convincing them that they'd agreed to meet them there,
also with penguin costumes on. Mike and the 'bots throw
together some makeshift animal costumes of their own, and
everyone looks pretty dumb in the end. (An editorial: As an
MST performer, what I find most refreshing about acting on
this show is the inherent dignity of the work: Where else
would one find the challenge to one's "craft" of playing a
fey omniscient albino alien who then dresses up in a goofy
penguin suit? Go to hell, Shakespeare! ...This is the real
stuff.)
Segment Two: The bots work through the trauma of having to
watch Gumby mutilate robots by having their own clay figure
show.
Segment Three: Servo tries to scam a free coffin, as
guaranteed at the beginning of The Screaming Skull for people who die of fright (not boredom)
while watching this movie.
Segment Four: Now Crow tries to pull a joke, becoming a
The Screaming
Skull and frightening Mike.
Mike freaks out and bashes both the bots with a variety of
sporting goods, screaming himself the whole time.
Segment Five: Servo's coffin arrives. He has to pay the full
delivery cost of returning it. But no harm is done, as he
uses Mike's credit card for this.
Down in Castle Forrester, Bobo dresses like a ape, trying to
fool them that he is an ape -- that is, an ape other than
Bobo. At Pearl's request, Brain Guy makes him tiny. Why? See
below.
Reflections: I dearly love my job and my colleagues here,
but permit me to whine a bit, as I am very skilled and
practiced at it. To wit: sometimes I wonder if we here at
Best Brains aren't the butt of our own joke. While producing
a show about a man and his robots who are tortured by
watching bad movies, we have become the real-life victims of
our own smarty-pants premise. Why do I say this? Answer:
The Screaming Skull.
Making someone watch this even
once is specifically outlawed by the Geneva Convention. But
many, many times, as is our practice? That is the
custom-fitted hell that we've brought upon ourselves, worthy
of a wry introduction by Rod Serling . I found this movie to
be the Deepest of Hurting: like watching bacteria grow in
extra-slow motion. This situation, I would contend, is true
irony, Classic Greek in nature -- unlike the Alanis
Morrisette version, which applies the word to slight
inconveniences and minor gross-outs. (By this Morrisettian
standard, then, it is "ironic" when one of her songs come on
my favorite FM station.) Thank you, my whining is over and I
am happy again.
The Gumby short, on the other hand, was a complete party to
do. Good clean fun, though disappointingly short at six
minutes. I always loved the shorts as a fan of the show, and
hope we can get more.
Other things: we all loved doing segment four -- the
Crow-as-Screaming-Skull -- though I ruined a few takes by
cracking up at Mike as he carefully chose a golf club while
yelling in stark terror.
The segment five bit of Brain Guy shrinking Bobo down into
his fist was completely off the slight story we had, but we
got excited at it as a sort of tribute to the many MST3K
movies that have used this cheap forced-perspective effect.
I think we were no more successful than they were --
I kept trying to see it as something other than Bobo
standing on the other side of the room, but could not. But
it was fun to try, and fun is the most important meal of the
day.
Lastly, a stunning acting debut by Barb Tebben, as the
officious free-coffin representative for AIP. Barb
literally phoned in her
performance, which made us not
want to cross her. Those of you who have dealt with Barb on
the phone or taken the Best Brains tour know that she is the
nicest person in the world, but: there's obviously some
demon inside her that I wouldn't wanna tangle with. Don't
hit me, Barb! -- Bill Corbett.
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